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Some Random Thoughts About Anxiety

Sometimes I’m not sure if my anxiety is getting worse as I get older, or if I’m just more conscious of when my anxiety hits. What if I’ve forgotten or blocked out past times when my anxiety was bad?

A couple of years ago, I reduced the amount of caffeine I was consuming in an effort to help lower my anxiety and not be bothered by insomnia as much. It didn’t help at all.

Taking deep breaths can help bring me down when I’m having a panic attack. When I’m having high anxiety? Not necessarily. It’s like my dial is cranked up from “normal” but not high enough to be “panic”, so if I start to take deep breaths and I don’t begin to feel better, “I’m not feeling better” becomes a source of anxiety.

Sometimes I can identify what triggered an anxiety attack. Sometimes I can’t. This is what makes Generalized Anxiety Disorder generalized. And disordered.

It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes I can get hit by an anxiety attack, which can then blow up into a panic attack, in a place or situation that I usually consider safe, comfortable, fun. Anxiety’s an asshole like that.

Despite the wonky chemistry going on in my head, I really do love my brain. It’s where a lot of my best dreams and ideas come from.


  1. Melissa wrote:

    I only remember you have a few bad moments when we lived together. Increased age brings increased responsibilities and social assumptions. College students have pretty much the most freedom of anyone in our society, so it could be that. I want to tell you, hey, you’ve got this. You’re a goblin poet in a library life ain’t got nothing on you. But I don’t know if that’s helpful.

    Wednesday, March 8, 2017 at 6:38 pm | Permalink
  2. josh wrote:

    I do think the responsibilities of having a full-time job, having student loan and car loan debt, and other assorted adulty things definitely contribute to my anxiety. Also, I’ve talked with my therapist about how my anxiety seemed to be not as bothersome when I was traveling, jumping into new situations in new cities and new countries, and basically not standing still. I think routine brings out my anxiety more. I don’t really think my brain is wired for lots of routine and repetition.

    And that does help. Thanks, Melissa. 🙂

    Wednesday, March 8, 2017 at 6:45 pm | Permalink

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